spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
