I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
