also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Holy sore nipples Batman
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
