Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
