so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
