Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
