His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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