True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
