when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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