Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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