dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
