Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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