For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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