Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize