she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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