You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
