I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
