So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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