So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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