Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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