i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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