In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
