I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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