I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you never un-have a 4some
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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