Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
