dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize