Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
