Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
im on a boat
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