I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
