if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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