I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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