This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm eating all of the evidence.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
