is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
