theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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