So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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