I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
