Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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