My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
