Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
