How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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