Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
