if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
