She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
