"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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