Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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