i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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