if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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