His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
