it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
