He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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