from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize