mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
