you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize