And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
