look no pants
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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