Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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