So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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