We won't sleep together?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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