I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
