I cannot find my penis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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