Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
