Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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