Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
