somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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