dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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