I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
