Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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